but not really.

last week, on a warm and sweaty afternoon in the hippie part of vancouver, i embarked on a bike ride to english bay avec mon ami, geoff. we sat on the beach and gave each other grass stains and tried to spit in each other's nose. well, he tried, and i screamed like a girl who was afraid that someone was trying to spit in her nose. i brought my new camera with me, hoping to capture the essence of people as they interacted with the world. inner and outer. that got boring after 26 minutes. geoff, with eyes aflame, began making stupidly effective alien noises to attract attention. he'd go, "blalalaalepppp" but in a higher, my-balls-were-just-nailed kinda voice, at each passerby who'd look or not look. if someone looked sideways at us, i'd shoot 'em with my camera. it was really fun and i imagine it'd be even more fun if we were ten years younger and not wearing our formal business attire. grass stains are a bitch, and so is the one i love.

Repressive Neurotic [Janov, The Primal Scream: 20 Years Later]

"A neurotic can be transformed by the illusion of reward, because that was what happened in childhood. Dangling security, love, or understanding and protection will corrupt because it anchors into unfulfilled need, the same need that allowed for the corruption in the first place. A normal person cannot be so easily swayed and corrupted because there are no free-floating unfulfilled needs to hook into. He is not overly tempted because temptation doesn't trigger a mountain of needs that he imagines are going to be fulfilled.

"The neurotic leads an exaggerated life. Need forces too much smoking, drinking, gambling, or risk taking. He either overreacts or underreacts, because straight reactions cannot be felt and measured. When one is out of touch with one's self, one's reactions are not in harmony, so one tries to act interested, excited, and loving. But it is an act.

When one's feelings are blocked away, one doesn't get much out of life. The gifts are meaningless, the trips disappointing, because "you" are always there when you travel. Nothing is as it should be. If the neurotic could take stock, he would know that he is uncomfortable, ill at ease, and dissatisfied. But so long as his neurosis works, he doesn't take stock. He just keeps on going, working, moving around, keeping busy. That releases some of the tension and makes him feel comfortable. When he breaks a leg and cannot move around, he begins to hurt. It may be the first inkling that he is not so normal after all."

Everything will come around, in time.

Today watched the Star Wars 3 movie. Liked the Jedi wisdom: Let go. Let go. Fear is a part of greed; we fear losing something. You cannot lose something. [edited to add image]

postsecret

We only judge you if you're weird.

S: "I think that the most essential thing that makes a great relationship, is the feeling that you are with your best friend in the entire world, and that you can be yourself and feel accepted, comfortable, with that person... so comfortable that you could -- though of course wouldn't -- have a poo in front of that person."

*Everyone nods in serious agreement.*

K: ...."And smear it on each other?"

S: "You know, I thought you were a really cool person before you made that comment."


The laughs never cease in this house.