Misconceptions spread by K-6 Grade School Textbooks

CORRECTED: For every action, there is not an equal and opposite reaction.

Newton originally published his laws of motion in Latin, and in the English translation, the word "action" was used in a different way than it's usually used today. It was not used to suggest motion. Instead it was used to mean "an acting upon." It was used in much the same way that the word "force" is used today. What Newton's third law of motion means is this:

For every "acting upon", there must be an equal "acting upon" in the opposite direction.

Or in modern terms...

For every FORCE applied, there must be an equal FORCE in the opposite direction.

So while it's true that a skateboard does fly backwards when the rider steps off it, these motions of "action" and "reaction" are not what Newton was investigating. Newton was actually referring to the fact that when you push on something, it pushes back upon you equally, even if it does not move. When a bowling ball pushes down on the Earth, the Earth pushes up on the bowling ball by the same amount. That is a good illustration of Newton's third Law. Newton's Third Law can be rewritten to say:

For every force there is an equal and opposite force.

Or "you cannot touch without being touched."

Or even simpler: Forces always exist in pairs.

http://www.amasci.com/miscon/miscon4.html#newt

http://www.usatoday.com/educate/college/careers/rtn/odonnell.htm
"It's not always going to be upbeat and it's okay to be frightened. You are going to be scared, I certainly was. You can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and you want to know what the outcome is going to be. You want that security blanket. I say, go without it, every now and then, it will work out. The real security blanket is your values and your visions and that is what you come back to all the time."

As I sit here, I drink my chocolate soy beverage mixed with rice protein. And I enjoy the taste. And that's my story.

This reminds me of one time in highschool English class. As a journalling exercise, my teacher wanted the class to, "continue writing the story from where the author ended it." So, I wrote a few more paragraphs, stopped writing, and handed it in.

The teacher commented, "Sonya, it appears there is no conclusion -- perhaps you had some time constraints?"

I wrote back, "Nope."

What is a poet? He is a man of religious experience whose creative gift enables him to communicate spiritual truths to men. His poetry can bring deliverance from spiritual death, bringing his hearers to a new knowledge of their divine Creator, who gave him this special power. In this way souls that have been disordered can be healed, and the human relation with God may be restored when it has been impaired...This is the fruit and indeed the purpose of music and poetry, direct gifts from God to mankind.

-- Elizabeth Henry, Orpheus and His Lute

Wealthy nations hold the keys to happiness

See the Map of World Happiness.

More on Money and Happiness

Observation, then, is what shows facts; experiment is what teaches about facts and gives experience in relation to anything. But as this teaching can come through comparison and judgment only, i.e., by sequence of reasoning, it follows that man alone is capable of gaining experience and perfecting himself by it.

"Experience," says Goethe, "disciplines man every day." But this is because man reasons accurately and experimentally about what he observes; otherwise he could not correct himself. The [38] insane, who have lost their reason, no longer learn from experience; they no longer reason experimentally. Experience, then, is the privilege of reason. "Only man may verify his thoughts and set them in order; only man may correct, rectify, improve, perfect and so make himself every day more skillful, wise and fortunate. Finally for man alone does the art exist, that supreme art of which most vaunted arts are mere tools and raw material: the art of reason, reasoning."¹

In experimental medicine, we shall use the word experience in the same general sense in which it is still everywhere used. Men of science learn every day from experience; by experience they constantly correct their scientific ideas, their theories; rectify them, bring them into harmony with more and more facts, and so come nearer and nearer to the truth.

- Claude Bernard

(Integrity, to me, entails aligning my actions with the purpose of all of existence. I am Choice. I collect information, perceive events through senses; I use reason to decide what information is relevant to my chosen purpose. And I act in accordance with what I deem useful, important, valuable, enjoyable, alive. What is most like me, I like.)

apply in all areas of life : invest in long-term

"The secret of wealth is buying once for all. When we buy, we should buy a thing which will last; buy something good even though it costs considerably more than a similar article which is perishable. Real economy consists of building a house that will last for generations, buying furni*ture that will last a lifetime, selecting clothing that is good for more than a fleeting season, choos*ing carpets that can be used by our children's children and then, having bought these good things, economy demands that we take care of them." Leigh Everett

Autodidacticism

Mary Wollstonecraft - I remember reading her essays in my room when I lived in Toronto, and thinking, 'Wow, women can actually think and write. They really do have brains! I thought it was just a lie we'd silently accepted to keep the peace!'

Limits of Language

"The entire sum of existence is the magic of being
needed by just one other person."
-Vi Putnam

...since social relationships are always ambiguous,
since my thought is only a unit, since my thoughts
create rifts as much as they unite, since my words
establish contacts by being spoken and create
isolation by remaining unspoken, since an immense moat
separates the subjective certitude that I have for
myself from the objective reality that I represent to
others, since I never stop finding myself guilty even
though I feel I am innocent....
… We could say that the limits of language are the
limits of the world… that the limits of my language
are the limits of my world. And in that respect,
whatever I say must limit the world, must make it
finite.
"Die Grenzen meiner Sprache bedeuten die Grenzen
meiner Welt"
-Ludwig Wittgenstein, Tractatus Logico Philosophicus

Idealism, by Osho

THERE are a thousand and one poisons, but nothing like
idealism -- it is the most poisonous of all poisons.
Of course, the most subtle: it kills you, but kills
you in such a way that you never become aware of it.
It kills you with a style. The ways of idealism are
very cunning. Rarely a person becomes aware that he
has been committing suicide through it. Once you
become aware, you become religious.
Religion is not any ideology. Religion does not
believe in any ideals. Religion is to become aware of
the impossibility of idealism -- of all idealism.
Religion is to live here and now, and idealism goes on
conditioning your mind to live somewhere else. And
only the now exists. There is no other way to live.
The only way is to be here. You cannot be there. The
tomorrow is non-existent, it never comes, and idealism
believes in the tomorrow. It sacrifices the today at
the altar of the tomorrow. It goes on saying to you,
'Do something -- improve yourself. Do something --
change yourself. Do something -- become perfect.' It
appeals to the ego.
Idealism belongs to the world of the ego. It appeals
to the ego that you can be more perfect than you are;
in fact you should be more perfect than you are. But
each moment is perfect, and it cannot be more perfect
than it is.
To understand this is the beginning of a new life, is
the beginning of life.

The straight track

The Horrors of Public Education

I like William James.

"James considered pragmatism to be both a method for analyzing philosophic problems and a theory of truth. He also saw it as an extension of the empiricist attitude in that it turned away from abstract theory and fixed or absolute principles and toward concrete facts, actions, and relative principles. James considered philosophies to be expressions of personal temperament and developed a correlation between "tough-minded" and "tender-minded" temperaments and empiricist and rationalist positions in philosophy. Theories, he felt, are "instruments" that humans use to solve problems and should be judged in terms of their "cash value" or practical consequences for human conduct."

"The test of a theory, belief, doctrine, must be its effect upon us, its practical consequences -- the pragmatic test: whatever works is true. The possession of truth is not an in itself but a preliminary means to vital satisfaction. Knowledge is an instrument for the sake of life, existing as practical utility. True ideas are those we can assimilate, validate, corroborate, and verify. Truth is not, therefore, useful because it is true; it is true because it is useful."

"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."
-- George Bernard Shaw

"What you risk reveals what you value."
-- Jeanette Winterson

The sons of Hermes love to play,
And only do their best when they
Are told they oughtn't;
Apollo's children never shrink
From boring jobs but have to think
Their work important.

- W. H. Auden, Under Which Lyre

Daniel Gilbert

Check out this guy's blog.

Daniel Gilbert.

Terminology

The word education is derived from the Latin educare meaning "to raise", "to bring up", "to train", "to rear", via "educatio/nis", bringing up, raising. In recent times the myth has arisen of its derivation from a different verb: educere, meaning "to lead out" or "to lead forth"; however the English word from this verb is "eduction": drawing out. This false etymology is used to bolster one of the theories behind the function of education—to develop innate abilities and expand horizons.
..
Education was the natural response of early civilizations to the struggle of surviving and thriving as a culture. Adults trained the young of their society in the knowledge and skills they would need to master and eventually pass on. The evolution of culture, and human beings as a species depended on this practice of transmitting knowledge.
..
The goal of education is the development of individuals' capacity to be happy, successful, and productive members of society. Current education issues include which teaching method(s) are most effective, how to determine what knowledge should be taught, which knowledge is most relevant, and how well the pupil will retain incoming knowledge. Educators such as George Counts and Paulo Freire identified education as an inherently political process with inherently political outcomes. The challenge of identifying whose ideas are transferred and what goals they serve has always stood in the face of formal and informal education.

- Education

He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.
Douglas Adams

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.
Douglas Adams, Arthur Dent in "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.
Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

trust = to allow without fear

Writing in this blog as though my eyes are the only ones to roll after reading my entries. This writing-without-consideration is good for the humility department. (There's restructuring of the sacred temple of being Sonya -- yes, a new department! Your services are welcome, humility.)

I think that when a person checks a certain website compulsively, grows irritable with each passing minute that the projected image of one's heart does not e-mail nor acknowledge the existence of me - I mean a person -- and then dances with identified feeling in front of a mirror to Backstreet's "Quit Playin' Games With my Heart" -- that I have temporarily allowed myself to waste my imagination on fruitless wonderings. I mean, a person has. And so, I submit for thoughtful consideration, to a person who is engaging in such behaviour unfit for one of noble rank and self-respect and interest in cool things, to go to work on activities that create the goods. So, off I go. =D

"Your kiss feels like a half-opened door" - gotta love that 80s hurtin' love song.

PS If you read this and roll your eyes, I knowwwwwwww. I'm half-joking. I just added this PS line to please you. And by adding this line, I have given attention to external approval-seeking. Yet by adding the sentence before this one, my conscious mind is okay with that.

Labels Divide and Conquer - by Jason Howard

Calling vs. Occupation: How to Find Out What You Should Do With Your Life - by Gary North

Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis

"The best education for the best is the best education for all." - Robert Maynard Hutchins

An education from Russia


The Advanced Math and Science Academy Charter School, Massachusetts

Article on the idea of the school, from 2004

I love sweet potatoes.


(20:45:01) ¤Ñ!ÇK€R$¤: Haha, wanna know something terrible and funny at the same time?
(20:45:31) Sonya!: yes.
(20:46:10) ¤Ñ!ÇK€R$¤: Whenever Tim and I would swear (usually Tim!) Mom would be like "Only people who aren't intelligent enough to think of other words swear." Then we'd be like "But Sonya swears sometimes." Then Mom would walk away, defeated.

Thomas Szasz, paraphrased, "There is no such thing as mental illness. There are only varying degrees of irresponsibility."

Okay; he said it, not me.

;-)

This is true. I feel good when I take charge of my life. When I control emotions indirectly by working on important tasks, neurotic behaviour vanishes.

I was feeling tired yesterday, so Steve phoned and we hiked up Mount Seymour.

And took photos.

And then the sun went down and we ran down the mountain and Steve scratched his bare legs in the hard, deep snow and then he showed me how to identify Mountain Hemlock and it was fun and I talked like this because I had all the good energy flowing my way and then I ate curry rice with spicy tofu and broccoli plus two organic blueberry bars from Starbucks because they are so damn good.

Up there, I could hear my body. I could hear the quiet; I felt calm and clear. I felt alone and a touch of sadness; likely because I was alone, and that was sad. In a clearly good way. Calming. Okay now I'm just making fun of myself. Peace out.

Waiting to Receive Happiness, Wanting to Have Love

Montalk.net
How to Drop Out
What Dreams May Come
The Cassiopaean Experiment

Jane Jacobs, I love you. Sweet dreams.

'Be Happy or You're a Loser'

Women in Science by Philip Greenspun.

Another article by the same guy - his reflections on Early Retirement.

Today's thought brought to you by T.... (thanks!)

An end result, imagined clearly and acted upon with
expectation, will always force the
circumstances necessary to bring about its own
manifestation, no matter how unpredictable, unlikely
or even impossible those circumstances may have
previously seemed.




Like clockwork,

The Universe

This goes under the 'interesting' file

To Believe or Not to Believe: That is the Question:

I have asked a lot of questions about Earth, religions and our history. Morenae has this really great way of mirroring
back my questions. One of the things that he mirrored back to me was a question regarding the history of a
particular religion. His response to that was "it is not so much what you believe in, but why you believe it." I have
had to look at that, and I've had to go back and look at all the belief systems I have. Are they really mine, or are
they something that I have been fed that I believe is true, and I am basing my perceptions on the idea that they
are or are not true? Another time, I was feeling depressed, and I had a contact and I decided I didn't want to come
back to Earth. I was made to come back, and I was very upset about that.

As I was walking away, Vissaeus looked at me and said, "Alex, the love that you withhold is the pain you carry." There
is not a day that goes by that I don't think about that - that I don't look at every decision I make and try to get
crystal clear about why I'm making that decision, and where that decision is coming from inside of me. Another
time, I was talking with Morenae and he asked me, Alex, when you are having a relationship, where does the love
come from? When you are having a relationship with your family, where does that love come from? When you are
having a relationship with the universe, where does that love come from? Well, the obvious answer is that it comes
from me, which is what I said to him. He turned back to me and asked me, why do you then believe you have a
shortage of love in your life? Again, it all goes back to belief systems. If they are right, we created all of this to
watch how our thoughts can create matter. So, in essence, everything is a belief system.

Space is the Place To Really See Your Face:

The Andromedans call our universe consciousness. They say that consciousness is the space that you create in
which to evolve. So in other words, to continue to evolve we had to create a space in which to do it. That is
physicality. There is a physicality on each and every dimension. Fifth density is not filled with "whispering clouds."
There is a genuine physicality to it. It's a lot different than what we have created here, but nevertheless it is still a
physicality.

--

A Picture Tells a Thousand Words: Holographic Image Technology

They have a camera that they can take a picture and separate it out to get data all the way back to conception. Say I have a liver problem. They can go back and get the data relative to my healthy liver and project it holographically and heal the liver. This is holographic technology. It is literally me, healing myself. We have the same capabilities using our minds. The key is to open it up to the idea that everything that we record in our mind is recorded holographically. Every single thought is recorded holographically. When you are trying to create something in your
life, through your mediations, don't look at it the way you normally do. Move around it, behind it, on top of it, beneath it. Train you mind and subconscious to see it for what it really is. They say we have this ability - they need technology to do this, but we don't, because we have the benefit of already having been on 11th density.

http://www.knightspirit.com/Pages/dsg/dsg-chapter-1.html

we all know [but/that] i like to say it again and again

"Only the good can be happy, and only the virtuous are good." - Aristotle

"Thoughts are causes, and conditions are effects. You become what you think about most of the time. It is the world inside of you that creates the conditions of your life." - Brian Tracy

Yeah, I'm on a roll with the motivational audio courses. And I'm drinking lots of water. I feel really good and virtuous.

;-p

From Publishers Weekly
[Water: For Health, for Healing, for Life: You're Not Sick, You're Thirsty! (Paperback) by F. Batmanghelidj, 2003]

The author, a physician trained in Iran (Your Body's Many Cries for Water), not only believes that drinking water is healthy, but makes extravagant claims for its curative powers. He recounts here how he first discovered the healing abilities of water, when he was a political prisoner more than 20 years ago. While incarcerated, he successfully treated with plain water the stress-induced peptic ulcers that afflicted some of his fellow prisoners. According to Batmanghelidj, most people rely on dry mouth to signal thirst and as a result are seriously dehydrated. He posits that symptoms like fatigue, anxiety or depression indicate dehydration, which may result in serious conditions such as asthma, hypertension, brain damage, cancer, constipation, allergies and obesity. In order to compensate for fluid lost through urination, respiration, and perspiration, Batmanghelidj suggests drinking a minimum of two quarts of plain water daily (not alcohol, caffeine beverages or juices). In order to maintain good health, he also advises ingesting half a teaspoon of salt to balance water intake. In addition, a diet consisting of 80% fruits and vegetables and 20% protein should be followed along with an exercise program.

Habit of Saving = Art of Living = Joy of Giving

If, at the end of the month, you have nothing more to show for your work than money for food and rent, then you are a slave. =D

"The only things that should matter in the end relate to how well did we live: what did we learn, how much did we laugh and play, and how much did we love. This is the real stuff of life." - Ernie Zelinksi

"What is missing in this sick society is emotional connection." - Mehran

"To give is to receive. There is no separation. When you give, you cannot lose anything; you gain what you give. To give is the only way to receive anything." - ACIM

I deposited a whole whack of tax refund and birthday money into my savings account today. Yay for me. Master of my universe. ;-)

Talked with my sister on the phone just now. We concluded that to share one's dreams with the world is unwise. One might as well cut one's legs and go swimming with the sharks. Do not tempt the instincts of animals. Feel like meeting with opposition and negativity? Share a happy thought with a stranger today, lol. Keep what you hold sacred close to you, but share with the world the happiness and joy that are the natural extensions and effects of your life's work and aim.

Okay, will do.

Smart Couples Finish Rich

"We are always getting ready to live, but not really living." - Emerson

"To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the best product of civilization." - Bertrand Russell

"Let Thrift Be Your Ruling Habit" - by Elbert Hubbard (I love this man.)

Be productive and make something that somebody wants. That is wealth.

Paul Graham:

Design and Research: The answer to the paradox, I think, is that you have to design for the user, "but you have to design what the user needs, not simply what he says he wants."

"Solve problems that users care about.... Really pay attention to making customers happy. How often do you walk into a store, or call a company on the phone, with a feeling of dread in the back of your mind? When you hear, 'your call is important to us, please stay on the line,' do you think, oh good, now everything will be all right?"

Napoleon Hill:

Your position is nothing more than your opportunity to show what sort of ability you have. You will get out of it exactly what you put into it -- no more and no less. A "big" position is but the sum total of numerous "little" positions well-filled.

Some men are successful as long as someone else stands back of them and encourages them, and some men are successful in spite of Hell! Take your choice.

It is that exceedingly rare quality that prompts -- nay, impels -- a person to do that which ought to be done without being told to do it. Elbert Hubbard expressed himself on the subject of Initiative in these words:
"The world bestows its big prizes, both in money and honours, for one thing, and that is Initiative.
"What is initiative? I'll tell you: It is doing the right thing without being told."

Heirloom plants and gardening

PJ., some person, some person, Amber, some person

Yes, I love my siblings.

The Meaning of Education

Even more reminders from Napoleon Hill:

The word educate has its roots in the Latin word educo, which means to develop FROM WITHIN; to educe; to draw out; to grow through the law of USE.

Nature hates idleness in all its forms. She gives continuous life only to those elements which are in use. Tie up an arm, or any other portion of the body, taking it out of use, and the idle part will soon atrophy and become lifeless. Reverse the order, give an arm more than normal use, such as that engaged in by the blacksmith who wields a heavy hammer all day long, and that arm (developed from within) grows strong.

Power grows out of ORGANIZED KNOWLEDGE, but, mind you, it "grows out of it" through application and use!

An "educated" person is one who knows how to acquire everything he needs in the attainment of his main purpose in life, without violating the rights of his fellow men.

Harmony

More from Napoleon Hill:

"Harmony" seems to be one of Nature's laws, without which there can be no such thing as ORGANIZED ENERGY, or life in any form whatsoever.

The health of the body as well as the mind is literally built around, out of and upon the principle of HARMONY! The energy known as life begins to disintegrate and death approaches when the organs of the body stop working in harmony.

The moment harmony ceases at the source of any form of organized energy (power) the units of that energy are thrown into a chaotic state of disorder and the power is rendered neutral or passive.

Success in life, no matter what one may call success, is very largely a matter of adaptation to environment in such a manner that there is harmony between the individual and his environment. [That is the most important line out of this whole thing, to me.]

The palace of a king becomes as a hovel of a peasant if harmony does not abound within its walls. Conversely stated, the hut of a peasant may be made to yield more happiness than that of the mansion of the rich man, if harmony obtains in the former and not in the latter.

If the student gathers the impression that the author is laying undue stress upon the importance of HARMONY, let it be remembered that lack of harmony is the first, and often the last and only, cause of FAILURE!

Good architecture is largely a matter of harmony. [I would say, definitely yes. Architecture that mimics nature's fractals and sacred geometry or cyclical nature, is everlasting. Healing. Speaks the language of the soul.]

Sound business management plants the very sinew of its existence in harmony. [I like to give what you like to receive.]

Every well dressed man or woman is a living picture and a moving example of harmony.

With all these workaday illustrations of the important part which harmony plays in the affairs of the world -- nay, in the operation of the entire universe -- how could any intelligent person leave harmony out of his "Definite Aim" in life? As well have no "definite aim" as to omit harmony as the chief stone of its foundation.

[This part is all about Integrity and acting as you think, speaking what you know, being as you are; seeing yourself in all things, and all that pollyanna goodness. Cure a schizophrenic mind by defining your aim and aligning/creating your life to be it:] Every human being possesses at least two distinct mind powers or personalities, and as many as six distinct personalities [I bet these personalities are the mechanisms you use to protect yourself -- from what? What threatens your sense of identity..?] have been discovered in one person. One of man's most delicate tasks is that of harmonizing these mind forces so that they may be organized and directed toward the orderly attainment of a given objective. Without this element of harmonyno individual can become an accurate thinker. [Remember: organized thought and effort = power. Fractured minds, or minds lacking in courage of purpose (or lacking in purpose) are without power/cause.]

Twilight of the Idols, Nietzsche

8. Towards a psychology of the artist.

For art to exist, for any sort of aesthetic activity or perception to exist, a certain physiological precondition is indispensable: intoxication. Intoxication must first have heightened the excitability of the entire machine: no art results before that happens. All kinds of intoxication, however different their origin, have the power to do this: above all, the intoxication of sexual excitement, the oldest and most primitive form of toxication. Likewise the intoxication which comes in the train of all great desires, all strong emotions; the intoxication of feasting, of contest, of the brave deed, of victory, of all extreme agitation; the intoxication of cruelty; intoxication in destruction; intoxication under certain meteorological influences, for example the intoxication of spring; or under the influence of narcotics; finally the intoxication of the will, the intoxication of an overloaded and distended will. -- The essence of intoxication is the feeling of plenitude and increased energy. From out of this feeling ones gives to things, one compels them to take, one rapes them -- one calls this procedure idealizing....

9. In this condition one enriches everything out of one's own abundance: what one sees, what one desires, one sees swollen, pressing, strong, overladen with energy. The man in this condition transforms things until they mirror his power -- until they are reflections of his perfection. This compulsion to transform into the perfect is -- art. Even all that which he is not becomes for him none the less part of his joy in himself; in art, man takes delight in himself as perfection.

pg. 82-83

"Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."

Sucksy

I had the best day today. I always have the best days when I expect them to suck; I should expect days to suck more often. My day should have sucked, but I just don't have the "this day sucks" mentality in me. HEHE!

My Day, by Sonya Gibson.

I awoke a little late, and then noticed that I had bled all over myself a little early. I was as pleased as punch.

Checked out the inside of my fridge. Had some left-over Thai food; enjoyed it muchly. (Thanks!)

Cleaned up nicely, donned my day apparel and walked out the door with my bike (not without banging my handlebars, pedal and wheel against the door on my way. *bows*)
Biked to the Aquarium in the torrential downpour. Holy crap, man; halfway down the block, I was wetter than usual. Than on other rainy days. I mean the rain was REALLY coming down. With every upward rotation of the pedal, I could see the water squeezed out of my black spongepants as they pressed down against my upper legs. (I almost wrote about "thighs" there, and used descriptors (heaving, pumping, etc), until I recognized that this is not my other forum.)

I made it to work right on time, drenched. Really wet. Really very. Then, wearing my soaked pants, I jumped into my dry raingear. I don't really know why I did that.

Helped Phil with his gardening stuff. Said hello to all the people who work at the Aquarium. Talked to the guy who bikes through the front area on occasion while I do the ritual hosing-off; he jumped off of his bike and set it on the ground and asked if I could 'go nuts' and spray off the junk on his bike's gears. It was fun for me. I don't know why I was so happy. I think I liked that he'd so easily trusted that I would hose the gears down as though we were old drinking buddies or had bonded in 'Nam or some shit. Unspoken bond.

Phil and I went whistling downstairs, loudly, oblivious, into the beluga zone, disrupting a huge staff meeting just so we could score a couple of blueberry scones and muffins. =D Worth it!

The rest of the day I was a slacker (Mike had told me earlier in the day, that "it's okay to sit around and do nothing" -- woohoo! My first threat!) So, not to be the oddball, I chillaxedddd. It was fun.

But then later I did all my work plus all Meghan's work, hahah, to make up for my morning fun times. Atonement. Anddd during my time of proactive productivity, I talked to lots of people again. First, a woman asked me, "What kind of algae is that red algae there?" I didn't know, so I told her I'd find out and be right back. So I went to find Mike. Mike didn't know, so we went to find the naturalists. They were clothed, and I felt shafted. Ohhhhh, those are the naturists, right. So the naturalists are the interpreters who explain to the public what the aquarium creatures are and why they are all dying, essentially, and what humans are doing to fuck-up less. Except not in those words -- thus they are the interpreters and translators. So I met the naturalists and they were extremely helpful. I take back everything unbecoming I once thought/said about Lindsay. She's good people. We determined, after a short game of charades in which I showcased my less than stellar 'physically illustrative of algae' abilities, that the algae was really seaweed, and that it was one of two species of primrose seaweed native to the BC coastline. I thanked my team of nerdy smart girls, told the algae-woman the info, and then she gave me a sheet with more questions, so I went back to the office and we all bonded again. Team-building exercises are fun.

I was watching the fish for a moment when two kids started asking me questions about why the octopus was eating the crabs. And then they were asking me harder questions, like do these aquariums mimic the natural habitats realistically or merely functionally? And what's the difference? And then because I was using big words, some adults came over and started asking me "are these anemones the ones that you touch and then they pull into themselves?" The most important thing I have learned in the last while is the power of accepting, "I don't know." And of saying, "I don't know." It helps to give credibility to these words by carrying a broom, or by showing excess saliva at critical moments as the inquisitives approach.

I was going to bluff and say, "Yes, this is a white anemone," but I would have been way off.

I like flowers. OH. And then later in the office, my peeps were talking about beatniks and hippies and mushrooms and sacred geometry and about making sweet love to mother earth. "Sticking it" to mother earth, I think was the phrase. Beautiful. And it was beautiful. And then we all shared stories about loving the earth. I didn't have one so I made one up about a horse, thinking that that would be the safe course; but no, I just came off looking mightily perverted.

Later, biked home in the rain, smiling the entire way (because home time is the most fun). Once home, stripped, had a nap.

I was really happy. I wanted to be happy and to defend nothing.

"Never forget, you give but to yourself." - ACIM

Fun at Beaver Lake

I didn't see any beavers.


Trish's squirrel on the prowl for some nuts.


[posted this the other day but the photos did not load properly]

what is it for?

Not too enamoured with this blog's layout, yet I do not want to go through the fun of changing the template again. But sometimes ya just gotta. Later.

The best internet radio station is somafm because I listen to it all the time and have decided thusly.

To stop talking like a freak.

Ummmm lately, the sun is shining. And this blog is fading in importance to me. I am amusing myself in other ways.

Peace out.

(And of course now that I've stated this, I will write in this online stage like never before.)

bring happiness

Wellll let me tell you what fun I made for myself today: I saw many people. Many people asked me questions. Many people received blank stares. I directed at least two people away from where they said they wanted to go, haaa. Not on purpose. But I'm sure they made it to where they needed to go.

Why is it that when I am wearing a uniform, people (especially women with children) suddenly talk to me in a fake happy voice? Similar to the polite phone voice. To be fair, the voice isn't fake happy; the voice is plastic. Melted plastic, slighty toxic when heard. *white light white light white light*

A little boy saw me and then asked his mother, "Is that a boy or a girl?" Haha, geez, man! Seriously? The answer is, "Yes."

Happy dreams come true, not because they are dreams, but because they are happy."

That was a weird place to stick that quote, I know. ;)

"Without a clear vision of the future, we flounder in the present."
(Sally Ride, America's first woman in space)

Immune to your charms

"I finally realised the fact the only thing that would keep me healthy was a functional immune system." - Eve Hillary

Today's Craft Project: How to care for your immune system.

Go for a walk outside.
Feel the air we share.
Laugh out loud.
Smile at everything.
Relax a lot.
Stretch your back.
Smell a flower.
Kiss and hug.
The flower.
Use your brain to make up a convincing-sounding story to the few bold people who actually stop to ask about why you're hugging and kissing a flower.
Go home and relax in the knowledge that you have facilitated public discussion and community-building by exercising your body and sense of beauty and creativity and humility.
Cry for no reason, and then cry for the reasons that come up. Oh, and come up they will. Like spring flowers.
Think about someone who really loves you. Think about how many times you've really fucked up. Cry again. See? This is fun.
Think strange thoughts that normally would not slip past your unconsious censors:
You are going to die tomorrow. Now what?
You're talking to the flower that you have plucked in your haste to hide the evidence of your insanity. The flower is already plucked and dead, but it won't look dead to the world until tomorrow. It has time to do more things while looking alive. And it does look alive, so its effect is the same.
You are sane, and those who misunderstand, like to play with the sane to catch a glimpse of the sane secret. To be sane.
The secret is to smell flowers when and where you want to smell flowers.
You plucked the flower and ended its life. This is fine for the flower. The flower gave you some love. You felt good smelling the flower. Next time, maybe you can leave the flower to grow, and it can grow love in some other sane people's hearts. And nose.
You know what the flower is.
Take with you what the flower nose is.


Oh yes, immunity. For your immune system to function properly, give me lots of money and believe everything you read except what doesn't fit your experience.
Dr. Sonya.
Ph.D Micrographology
B.S.

Okay.

Well, I'm leaving this apartment at the end of the month. I am happy. I am happy either way, hah! But this way, in a way, is more exciting. More adventures into the unknown. Sure, every moment is unknown, but when you REALLY know that someone else is renting out your place, and you have to either leave your living quarters, or room with a non-speaky-english guy, at that point you KNOW you aren't going to be here in a month; which means for sure you don't know where you're going to be. I understand what I'm saying.

So the new guy wants to show prospective roomies this apartment and wants me to be here everyday at a certain time, to let him in to bring people through the place. I think that this request, though reasonable and understandable, is somewhat bullshit. I am renting here for the month of March. I do not want to be here everyday at an agreed upon time (6 pm) just so he can show someone how wonderful is the place in which I will not be living. Is my thinking out of line? I can't tell anymore.

It's really not a big deal to just stay and live with him. But. I think at some level -- the level that makes all my decisions -- I want to leave, even though this place is located in the best spot in Vancouver. And close to Davie Street. And close to my favourite fast-food sushi place. And close to my favourite organic grocery store. And close to everything. And close to everyone. Fuck.

;-)

2010 Winter Olympics E-mail Forward

[Someone sent this to me and I thought it worth a posting]

2010 Winter Olympics


Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics these are some questions people the world over are asking!!!! Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website (frightening, isn't it!)

Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!!!!!.



Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?( UK)

A We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA)

A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? ( Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. ( Italy )

A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? ( UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? ( USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? ( USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? ( UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.

Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? ( Germany )

A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.Can you sell it in Canada? ( USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? ( USA)

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?( Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA)

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

And my personal favourite...........

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.



Send this on to any who you think will enjoy it as much as I have.

Did I ...?

The Guy, Manager
Building and Grounds Department
The Place
P.O. Box 8080 Vancouver BC V0X 311
Fax: (604) 888 - 7070
Email: TheGuy@ThePlace.org

Deadline for applications: The Date


To Mr. The Guy:

Thank you for considering my application to join your Buildings and Grounds Department. While engaged in my studies and side-projects (I am a student of natural building techniques), I would enjoy and excel at a part-time position where I can work behind-the-scenes and interact with and uplift the people I meet.

I have extensive gardening and ecology experience thanks to my learning position at UBC's Centre for Plant Research, and to a youth spent cavorting in the nude in the countryside (it's good to know what plants not to sit on). My initiative and priority-setting capabilities are honed daily in my entrepreneurial pursuits, and were surprisingly evident while managing an organic farm on Salt Spring Island two years ago. My ability to adapt to changing situations has guaranteed my spot on the spotless state of spot-changing mind. (It's a state that doesn't exist as the founders haven't stayed in one spot long enough to establish a community. MMmmmm, yum, pretzels. What's the topic again?)

I have had many opportunities to communicate clearly and diplomatically with the public. I have worked in a busy downtown sales office, meeting many people from diverse backgrounds and integrating with them seamlessly. Once, a young couple mistook me for one of their siamese children. We all laughed uproariously. I like people and it shows.

Hard work is a friend of mine. I invested a year of my short life in a Plant lab, conducting experiments and collecting data and washing piles of glassware. There, patience, routine and protocol were hailed as gods. The gods of the lab bitches. From this, I learned to fulfil my duties and to practice what I already know -- to give more than what I ask for -- and to keep my smartass mouth shut. This ain't no democracy. When I live my understanding of the universal law, good things happen for me.

Groundskeeping interests me in a psychological and outdoors/physical exercise way: Harmonious, well-cared for surroundings positively influence mood and elicit happier expressions from the people visiting the space. The conditions create the outcome. Attitude determines outcome. I hope to see clean harmonious environments everywhere that thus encourage the highest expression of goodness from all who visit these spaces of reflected beauty. (It sounds cheesy but there are studies proving the positive correlation between health of mind and the harmonious appearance of surroundings. Aesthetics is necessary for the heightening, and potential-actualization, of the soul.) And, even if I've created this fact out of thin air right now, this is further evidence of my quick-thinking ability to bullshit my way out of anything. That's a good skill to have mastered by a shining member on your janitorial team. I could make up stuff to help you cover your ass in case you spill some toxic chemical into a public playground area. That's just the beginning; Imagine the possibilities.

I work well alone and keep the lines of communication open. I have a great attitude bordering on pollyanna-ish; some would say I've crossed that line long ago. I focus on my work and complete my goals in a calm and effective manner.

I am available for Monday, Wednesday and other shifts. Actually, I don't want the job, I just wanted to write an application for it. Thanks for your time,

Sincerely hoping you don't call,
Sonya

home is where the heart is in my chest

um, so i can live here for march, and then come april, share the place with a non-english-speaking person whom may or may not try to kill me in my sleep; or, i can move somewhere else. anyone want to go to new zealand?

the building manager has found a tenant FOR us, for this apartment. nice. yesterday, he and the new eager to cleave her beaver tenant guy showed up. the new no-speaky-engly guy seems all right, but looks a little too happy at the thought of rooming with a girl. suspicious. and he looks typically croatian. i don't know what that means. he looks tall and dark and scary but smiles a lot. i don't mind so much, but jumpei (current roommate who is moving out soon) is telling me, "i don't know about that guy. he might not be safe. i would not want you to stay here with him."

it's cute, really.

it's alarming how laid back i am about this development. i find it exciting! i go for walks to the beach in the daytime, the wind throwing me all over the street, my body close to tears of pleasure and pain. and then i think of hobbes and his, "all that motivates are appetites and aversions." and i wonder which motivates more... depends on personality. i would work harder to attain something, than to avoid something. i feel alive again; the threat of losing one's life does that to a person.

hah, i joke. i want to see if my mom reads this and calls me. it's been a few days, mom. call. hear my voice before my voice on the answering machine as killer does his work is the last sound you hear from me. but on the bright side, you could replay it over and over and think of me and regret my wasted singing career. i gots a good pair o' lungs. check out the coroner's report for pics.

Passages from The Alchemist

"That's what alchemists do. They show that, when we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too."

-----------

"If you start out by promising what you don't even have yet, you'll lose your desire to work toward getting it."

-----------

Personal Legend: "It's what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is.

"At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend."

It's a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realize your Personal Legend. It prepares your spirit and your will, because there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It's your mission on earth."

"Even when all you want to do is travel? Or marry the daughter of a textile merchant?"

"Yes, or even search for treasure. The Soul of the World is nourished by people's happiness. And also by unhappiness, envy, and jealousy. To realize one's Personal Legend is a person's only real obligation. All things are one.

"And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

------------

"Well, why don't you go to Mecca now?" asked the boy.

"Because it's the thought of Mecca that keeps me alive. That's what helps me face these days that are all the same, these mute crystals on the shelves, and lunch and dinner at that same horrible cafe. I'm afraid that if my dream is realized, I'll have no reason to go on living."

-----------

"In order to find the treasure, you will have to follow the omens. God has prepared a path for everyone to follow. You just have to read the omens that he left for you."

-----------

"We are afraid of losing what we have, whether it's our life or our possessions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand."

-----------

"You've got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense."

----------

"I want to stay at the oasis," the boy answered. "I've found Fatima, and, as far as I'm concerned, she's worth more than treasure."

"Fatima is a woman of the desert," said the alchemist. "She knows that men have to go away in order to return. And she already has her treasure: it's you. Now she expects that you will find what it is you're looking for."

---------

"You must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his Personal Legend. If he abandons that pursuit, it's because it wasn't true love... The love that speaks the Language of the World."


--------

"Don't think about what you've left behind. Everything is written in the Soul of the World, and there it will stay forever. If what one finds is made of pure matter, it will never spoil. And one can always come back. If what you had found was only a moment of light, like the explosion of a star, you would find nothing on your return."

-------

"There is only one way to learn. It's through action. Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey.... Listen to your heart. It knows all things, because it came from the Soul of the World, and it will one day return there."

as the world turns a cheek

I was listening to a cd that I should not have been listening to, I told myself as I lustily threw the thing into my player and cranked up the volume. It was a reminder cd. A reminder of stuff. I heard a few songs that reminded me where my razors are. -- I am joking. I typed this out, curious to see how many entries I can write that focus on this baggage theme. It's surprisingly easy to be a one-minded girl. Good for me. Good skill in my favour.

I wrote a housing ad and I've been getting tons of responses. I haven't replied to any of them yet as I feel.. ambivalent about the process of choosing a roomie. How do I choose? First come, first served? I wouldn't be spending so much time on this admin crap but for the thoughtful inquiries themselves. Some of the them are well-thought-out works of art and it puts me off a little; I feel pressured to write a letter to each inquiry, explaining my choice: "Well, you sound too smart and I just don't feel like having those 'nature of reality' bullshit self-congratulatory discussions these days.... I like to dance in my room and I don't want you to know why the mirror isn't in the hallway when you come home unexpectedly.... I don't want you to be here all the time.... I think you're really cool and that we could be friends, so come over anyway but you can't live here because I don't want to marry you while my potential remains untapped and I want no one but myself to tap.. myself.... I don't want to teach you English.... I don't want to meet your girlfriend.... I want to listen to music with you, which means I'll never get my work done.... I might love you, and I have sworn off love because I am 12 and indignant like a rug on the carpet (Why pretend to need the rug when you already have carpet? What's the point? Why walk on them both? [That was a return to the baggage theme])." I like quite a few of these prospective roomies: two people have e-mailed me twice (eager is good), most are guys, most are 18-22 film or graphic design students, one is an environmental engineer, one is a father with 2 kids, and some seem to think I like when they write pervy things in their e-mails. I went easy on the judgment, though, 'cause I myself know how downright difficult it is to resist describing in detail the size of my thing. Only I am allowed to make pervy comments; not you, fucker. Do you think I want to live with someone like me? NO! Well, yes. But you're not me, so NO! =D

Stendhal, on Love:

When heaven has endowed you with a soul made for love, not to love is to deprive yourself and others of great happiness. It is as if an orange-tree dared not flower for fear of committing a sin. And remember that a soul made for love can never be satisfied with any other kind of happiness. After its first taste of the much-vaunted pleasures of the world, it finds them intolerably dull, and though it often believes itself fond of Art and the sublimities of Nature, these merely lead the soul back to love, and more intensely than before, if that be possible. The soul soon realizes that it is being reminded of a happiness it has forsworn.

And the reason is A. You. B. Me C. The question. D. Why am I choosing an answer when I haven't figured out what I'm asking E. . . ..

Two ESL students nailed me, the sitting duck, while I waited for a friend in front of the library today. Martin was from Germany and The Girl (I don't remember her name) hailed from Mexico. They asked me some survey questions as I cringed and braced myself for the pain of impact on the earth of shattered illusions. (I can get away with writing this because I said so.):

1. "If you were on a deserted island, what would you have with you.." [I could feel my head begin to spin -- Oh, lovely! Not THIS question! Um, I have NO IDEA! What WOULD I bring with me?? What are my priorities and values?! WHAT DO I WANT IN MY LIFE? What AM I?! (yes, i take these surveys seriously. ahem.) but thankfully the question continued in a happy way] -- "A person, or a computer?"

I think, that when posed a question as confusing as is this one [what are you REALLY asking of me? and why is the island deserted? For how long am i on this island? Is this an exile or a honeymoon trip? Does the island have electricity? Wireless? What is MY MOTIVATION here? Oh, you want to see what my default motivation is? Shit. Can't you just GIVE me one to work with?] with only two options as answers, the answer that is the most strange and ridiculous-sounding to your current state of mind will be the one upon which your mind focuses. Your confused mind will play with the ridiculous answer. It will puzzle over this thought that seems inconsistent with the current Modus operandi, in simultaneous awe and disgust; and then, the mind will do it! This reasoning explains entirely the existence of the highjump, and sex, and this blog, and my fashion sense, and my sense of timing.

This also explains why "person!!" was the first word to come out of my mouth in response. Yes. I have everything figured out. Anyway, I was so grateful at the time for having had only the two options available and that I didn't have to think or reveal my thinking process and character and lack thereof, so I let my first answer stand.

2. "If you could go anywhere in a time machine..." [Fukkkk.] "to which would you want to travel, the past or the future?" [Okay, at least I have only two options again.. I can handle this]. For this one, i was thinking, 'hmmm, do they really want to know what I think? No, this is just an English speaking exercise for them. But they did ask, so.... HAHahhahaa, suckas.' Instead of outting myself as weird by sounding like some quirky newage smartass type [*shout outs*], I outted myself as weird by sounding like some similar, less cutting-edge-80s smartass type. I don't know. I bit my lip and said with as much of the straight on my face that I could muster, "There is only now." At that moment the clouds parted and the light shone from the heavens above, onto where I stood in my self-satisfied glory, beside a pile of doggie doo-doo. [Good thing those last two weren't reversed.] That's right folks, the guru had spoken. Haha I felt like such an ass. Ass me no more questions.

3. "Has technology harmed life, or made it better?" This time I almost started laughing. Wrong question, dude. I didn't know where to begin or how to answer this one. For the sake of brevity and inaccuracy, I didn't request that we define the meaning of technology or anything like that. Instead, I did what I'd done countless times in school when I thought an essay test question was pointless: I answered it anyway. :) But first I gave a little disclaimer about how technology is a means to help us do what we want, so we must first have a goal. I don't know what the hell I was talking about.

4. "How much time do you spend on the computer?"

Too much.

Thus ended the questioning minute 'o joy. I asked them what the survey was for; if it was for a project. They answered, 'Our teacher sent us out to talk with Canadians. Are you a real Canadian? There aren't many of them around here.'

"Yes, I was born in Ontario. Where is your school? --" I kept talking with them but they tried to run away. People! You told me that you are doing the survey to practice your English! I was talking with you! And I'm Canadian! The survey is a TOOL, mothafukkers! Like technology! Use the TOOL to enrich YOU! Get your asses back here! Hellooooo -- Don't you understand English?! Oh, -- uh, that's right, you don't.

I think it's good to know why we do things. I think it's good to do things for a reason.

Snow in my dad's backyard.

Ask...

Today we are going snowmobiling! Two days ago, the ground was sparse and wet and brown. What kind of snowmobiling conditions are those? Exactly. So, we asked for snow! And, we received snow in abundance. In so much abundance, that the roads were closed and we couldn't drive the 5 miles down the road to reach the snowmobiles. =D

On a completely unrelated note (do those exist...?), I had a dream last night. No, do not worry, I am not in the mood to share with the world (as I'm sure the world reads this) my wet dreams. I watched 'Troy' yesterday. Salivated over Brad Pitt. Orlando Bloom's character just wasn't up to the heroic task of winning my heart. I am off to snowmobile now; will update later. Lately, facing the past; now, growing up a tad. Slowly and surely.

I just read this over and from what I wrote, you'd think I was about to accept a straight boy's marriage proposal. No. I say Yes to LIfe! haha. (Oh, did I say that I was maturing? I meant that my jokes were getting old.) And the dream was symbolically wet -- hard to grasp. I sat in the feeling this morning, and recalled that I am master of my fate and discerner of worthy endeavours. Woohoo. Good to know.

Yes to life. Yes to jumping right in, over my head. Yes to gotta go but be back later.

Homeopathy: "Similar Suffering"

Like cures like: "For example, if a person is suffering from allergies, a doctor may give the person a substance that will trigger the body to reproduce similar allergic symptoms, to heal them."

[Heal the *allergies*, not the symptoms.]

*Okay, I get it; now put away the violin.*

Hmmm.

Right now I feel like the hugest dickus maximus for a variety of nefarious reasons. (No; as usual, just felt like typing that.) For at least two reasons, I feel craptacular. I invited Lee here for a visit, and now I want to be alone: "Hi, Lee. Welcome! Now go and entertain yourself while I figure my life things out. Umm, you know what? This may take awhile; here's some food and a blanket."

I just really suck. I am the worst host ever. Hahhhh shit. Yes, I forgive myself for being an ass. I am showing Lee the hotspots, and providing him with earthly towels and foods and all that crap; it's just that inside, I feel 'off' - my attitude is one of forced niceness. It's not fake, exactly... moreso distracted. My heart is elsewhere and I'm listening for its songs instead of the noise I'm submerged in. Fine, I am wonderfulness incarnate. (Oh, and said with such conviction.) Yeah mon. I am wonderfulness incarnate, and also the worst host. So, on the plus side I am an impressive multitasker who assumes roles seamlessly on all sides of the spectrum of being. Sometimes I feel this despondency and all that it takes for me to snap back into myself is the awareness that my little problems are nothing at all. I have no desire to direct any of my energy to mindless junk. Sometimes, most easily when I am tired, these emotions have their hayday. I love my emotions. They are like children that live underwater, but that also breathe air. (Work with me here.) Yes. So, these children prefer to mix things up in the air sphere, and being the gracious host that I am (selectively, ahem) -- when they ask and when I am in the right mood, I let them surface to play outdoors, where they run loose and grow strong and refine their expressions and show the world love (as long as I am watching and guiding them...). Oh! That reminds me of how excited I am to go back to the country and walk around in the trees. Or under the trees. Baby steps. I used to tell my brother that the dryads lived in the forests and protected the forest's inhabitants [I had read about them; I didn't walk around talking with them or anything... ;)]. My brother was afraid at that! And then I was afraid because he was afraid. Even though I was the messenger, I had allowed his perception of the message (that I had given, for frig's sake), to influence my own. Oh, how easily mindless madness. And how easily calm clarity. I think I've figured a few things out. And I know myself well enough to know that having typing that conclusion, I will still spend a few more hours wrestling the angels. God, I spent too many years in Sunday School.

"No such thing as wrestling at a distance - to struggle is to embrace."



Dancing.


"Embrace, my ass."

"We must meet in the physical what we have done or thought in the mental"

From Edgar Cayce's 'Story of Karma' Q & A session:

Q: What debt do I owe J.M.?

A: Only that ye build in thine own consciousness.
For every soul, as every tub, must stand upon its own self. And the soul that holds resentment owes the soul to whom it is held--much! Hast thou forgiven him the wrong done thee? Then thou owest naught! (1298-1)

Do not attempt to be good but rather good for something!

Know what is thy purpose, what is thy goal! And unless these are founded in constructive, spiritual construction, they will turn again upon thyself!

For each soul is meeting day by day self!

Hence as has been given, know thyself, in whom thou believest! Not of earthly, not of material things, but mental and spiritual--and why! And by keeping a record of self--not as a diary, but thy purposes, what you have thought, what you have desired, the good that you have done--we will find this will bring physical and mental reactions that will be in keeping with the purposes for which each soul enters a material manifestation. (830-3)

Every incarnation is an opportunity; so is really good karma, whether we are having difficulty in learning our lesson or not. We are attracted to the environment which gives the needed lesson.

We find that there were those environs in which the attraction gave the opportunity for the entity to bring creative influences and forces in the experience, to meet self: and thus correct much that had been and is in the way of development for the soul-entity.

For each soul enters that it may make its path straight. They alone who walk the straight and narrow way may know themselves to be themselves, and yet one with the Creative Forces. Hence the purpose for each entrance is that the opportunities may be embraced by the entity for living, being, that which is creative and in keeping with the Way. For the Father has not willed that any soul should perish and is thus mindful that each soul has again--and yet again--the opportunity for making its paths straight. (2021-1)

What thou seest, that thou be'st
Dust, if thou seest dust
God, if thou seest God.

[p.22-23]

now resume resume writing

"Amber, let's play Doctor!"




B&W setting, you are my friend.

People are good.

I see that people are willing to help you when they recognize how they might fit into your life, to make your life easier and more enjoyable. To illustrate (because I like so much to draw conclusions and guns and stickmen): Recently, I was waiting in the van for my Mother to run into the store; two seconds later, an unknown lady knocked on my window, interrupting an impromptu groove session.
Unrolled, sheepish grin, "Hi..."
It was dark outside so she couldn't see me dancing. Too bad she wasn't deaf too. Anyway, undeterred, she waved a child's knitted mitten in front of me and asked, "Is this yours? I found it on the ground by the rear door of your van."
"Hmm, Oh, thanks! It could be; I have a 3-year-old sister.. Thanks!" I said with glee, but overdid it, still recollecting from the shock of her window knock.

And off she went into the night of anonymity. Well, into Shoppers Drugmart. I really was appreciative, -- just to know by her act, that people are observant and paying attention to their surroundings. This 'aware' characteristic I admire in others. Mindfulness. (I like to know that at least somebody is paying attention when I am off in lalaland.)

Another time, unloading groceries into the van: The parking lot was full and I was pushing one of those 6-wheeled, impossible-to-steer-without-hitting-every-display, transformed-into-a-kids-car shoppingcarts (to keep my brother entertained for the first 4 minutes of our 2 hour shopping adventure). So, in the parking lot, I had to manoeuvre the cart-o'-joy behind the van, to unload. The only open space through which I could remove the cart was the parking spot directly beside the van. And guess what? A car pulled into that spot! A super opportunity to exercise great restraint in teaching Bjorn extracurricular words. Anyway, the woman came over and asked me, from a safe distance away (she could see the smoke escaping from my flared nostrils) if I had enough room for the cart. The dragon instinct appeased, I smiled and confirmed that all was well. And all was well.

Friendly place, this life. These are relatively minor happenings, yes, but with kids, little happenings are huge happenings. The Snowball Effect. How can you make and throw a snowball with only one mitten? Exactly. Ask for help.

"Ever since I can remember, I've always wanted to tell stories, but I never had the patience to sit down at a typewriter and write short stories or anything like that. I started writing songs as a way of communicating ideas the best way I could." - Rob Thomas



Rob Thomas. My taste in music is turning Adult Contemporary. :-o Nature or nurture? Both? Discuss.

links to connect

The Five Basic Laws of the Universe - "The Universal Operating System responds to individuals, so the only way to test whether what I’m saying is bullshit, or whether it works, is to consciously apply it in your own life."






[Links for safe-keeping]
Anthroposophical Medicine
The Anthroposophical Society in Canada - Near my Mom's house...
Health and Balance - Don't laugh: Conversations with Jesus and Buddha.

When in Rome

How I know I've been immersed in little-kid-culture for too long:

1. Alone, I ask myself while rummaging through the utensil drawer, my face the picture of focused concentration, "Hmmmm... where's Mr. Can-opener?"
2. I sometimes call my step-father 'daddy'.
3. My deepest conversations, though not without their unique flavour of eureka moments, progress like so:
-"Come here, you poopy poop with poop on your butt!" [I don't know where he learns this stuff]
-"Um, No, YOU have poop on your butt...." [I wanted to speak to him on his level, and understand his thinking.... um, yeah..]
-"Are you ever going to stop talking?"
-"Hey, I'll stop talking when you stop talking."
-"Good. Go back to British Columbia. You came here to play with me, and if you're not going to play with me, I don't know why you're here. Because you're not playing with me, and Mom said...."
-"Treat people with respect, and they will want to play with you."
-"I don't want to treat people with respect; I WANT YOU TO PLAY WITH MEEEEE!"
-"Bjorn, you can't always get what you want." [Oh God. I've become one of them. And so I add,] "If what you want is for someone to play with you and listen to you, then you must be the same way." [There. My parents never used THAT one on me, I think....]

Acting like a kid:
4. A hug and kiss make EVERYTHING all right.
5. I hypothesize that no matter how hard I am crying in bed, I can stop on a dime and in a crystal-clear angelic voice, say, "I want jungle juice, please" when asked by my Mommy what is wrong. [I haven't tried to confirm, myself, that this experiment's result is repeatable, though the data collected thus far inclines an auspicious feeling in my bosom that I'll be tasting some lovely jungle juice at about 22:14 EST today. Woohoo --! And no effort required, beyond a small investment in a new pair of lungs and earplugs for everyone but Mommy.]
6. I don't have to say what I mean, ever, and I still get my point across enough to feel satisfied with being understood.
7. Joking about Sonic the Hedgehog's character in one moment, sternly reprimanding someone for throwing toys in the next minute, then hugging the someone and telling him I love him in the moment following or overlapping the previous moments, flows naturally and requires no awkward inbetween patchwork. Kids take NOTHING personally. Well they do, but they also overgeneralize, so this is okay to leave in.

Things I picked up from little siblings' inner thoughts
8. I gasp when people in the outside world say the F-word. It is okay to tell on other people; not okay for them to tell on me.
9. I say the F-word just for the reaction, or when I think I can't help myself, as in during videogames when fighting the Boss.
10. Inviting a friend into the bathroom while I use the toilet seems perfectly okay, in fact, necessary.
11. There are no rules to follow unless I am winning at the game. If I am losing, I may restart the game as many times as I deem are fair to myself and that increase my chances at kicking your asssss. Also, if I lose the game, the fault lies squarely on the shoulders of any person I so choose in the room, or in the house, or in a book I am reading, for having had such a profoundly negative effect on the world in general.
12. When I say that I hate you, I really mean that I love you but that at that moment, I am convinced that your refusal to let me call my grandmother and tell her what you just said, means that you don't want to play with me.
13. I don't know what many words mean, but that doesn't stop me from using big ones I hear Mommy use, when I need to make a point, or from making up new ones to coerce my playmates into blugeronning (think French accent) with me near my Daddy's office [p.s. the word means 'sneak by', Bjorn tells me].
14. If I'm not having fun, there's no point to anything. [I like this one.]

;-p

Ohhh Bjorn and Liesl are such great kids. Most of the above is recalled from the glory days of Bjorn's younger years -- an era I like to refer to as the Tyranny of the Minor-ity. (You're supposed to laugh now. Or groan; okay.) xoxoxox

an evening in the life of a family person

Considering that I haven't left the house in a few days but for a quick visit to the hospital, this entry promises to be about as exciting as is standing outside the bathroom door while my brother does his biweekly thing. (They feed him NOTHING, refined NOTHING, I tell you! Exaggeration.)

Hahah I am watching Jay Leno and laughing my ass off as he interviews the people on the streets:

Leno: "Do you read?"
Woman (ESL): "I read.. I read for pleasure."
Leno: "For pleasure?"
Woman (ESL): "I pleasure myself."
Woman 2 (ESL): "She just pleasure herself a minute ago."

Oooo on Conan O'Brien tonight -- METRIC and KATE BECKINSALE! I'm watching.


This is the inspiring (of suicide) view I used to see when I would stare out my bedroom window for hours on end, dreaming of what could be.... and sometimes while singing softly, "Spaceman, oh spaceman, come rescue me...."



This is the house in which my parents lived when I was born. It is built of rock. So, contrary to what I was told, I was born IN a rock, and not under one. So there.

Metric is on Conan as I type. Emily Haines looked a little nervous at first but now she's dancing all underkeyed and cool. I like their older albums.

"Parenting does limit the range of a person's concerns (and alter the dimensions of their intelligence, generally), and I have often noticed that young children are markedly more alert and intelligent then their parents, who are preoccupied
with the task/role of raising them."

Answers to the right questions

"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about." - Einstein von knowshit yerluck

Why Nerds are Unpopular:

Bullying was only part of the problem. Another problem, and possibly
an even worse one, was that we never had anything real to work on [in school].
Humans like to work; in most of the world, your work is your
identity. And all the work we did was pointless, or seemed so at the
time.

At best [school] was practice for real work we might do far in the future,
so far that we didn't even know at the time what we were practicing
for. More often it was just an arbitrary series of hoops to jump
through, words without content designed mainly for testability. (The
three main causes of the Civil War were.... Test: List the three main
causes of the Civil War.)

And there was no way to opt out. The adults had agreed among
themselves that this was to be the route to college. The only way to
escape this empty life was to submit to it.

Teenage kids used to have a more active role in society. In pre-
industrial times, they were all apprentices of one sort or another,
whether in shops or on farms or even on warships. They weren't left
to create their own societies. They were junior members of adult
societies.

Teenagers seem to have respected adults more then, because the adults
were the visible experts in the skills they were trying to learn. Now
most kids have little idea what their parents do in their distant
offices, and see no connection (indeed, there is precious little)
between schoolwork and the work they'll do as adults.

And if teenagers respected adults more, adults also had more use for
teenagers. After a couple years' training, an apprentice could be a
real help. Even the newest apprentice could be made to carry messages
or sweep the workshop.

Now adults have no immediate use for teenagers. They would be in the
way in an office. So they drop them off at school on their way to
work, much as they might drop the dog off at a kennel if they were
going away for the weekend.

What happened? We're up against a hard one here. The cause of this
problem is the same as the cause of so many present ills:
specialization. As jobs become more specialized, we have to train
longer for them. Kids in pre-industrial times started working at
about 14 at the latest; kids on farms, where most people lived, began
far earlier. Now kids who go to college don't start working full-time
till 21 or 22. With some degrees, like MDs and PhDs, you may not
finish your training till 30.

Teenagers now are useless, except as cheap labor in industries like
fast food, which evolved to exploit precisely this fact. In almost
any other kind of work, they'd be a net loss. But they're also too
young to be left unsupervised. Someone has to watch over them, and
the most efficient way to do this is to collect them together in one
place. Then a few adults can watch all of them.

If you stop there, what you're describing is literally a prison,
albeit a part-time one. The problem is, many schools practically do
stop there. The stated purpose of schools is to educate the kids. But
there is no external pressure to do this well. And so most schools do
such a bad job of teaching that the kids don't really take it
seriously-- not even the smart kids. Much of the time we were all,
students and teachers both, just going through the motions.

.
.

There are certainly great public school teachers. The energy and
imagination of my fourth grade teacher, Mr. Mihalko, made that year
something his students still talk about, thirty years later. But
teachers like him were individuals swimming upstream. They couldn't
fix the system.

.
.

In almost any group of people you'll find hierarchy. When groups of
adults form in the real world, it's generally for some common
purpose, and the leaders end up being those who are best at it. The
problem with most schools is, they have no purpose. But hierarchy
there must be. And so the kids make one out of nothing.

.
.

When there is some real external test of skill, it isn't painful to
be at the bottom of the hierarchy. A rookie on a football team
doesn't resent the skill of the veteran; he hopes to be like him one
day and is happy to have the chance to learn from him. The veteran
may in turn feel a sense of noblesse oblige. And most importantly,
their status depends on how well they do against opponents, not on
whether they can push the other down.

Court hierarchies are another thing entirely. This type of society
debases anyone who enters it. There is neither admiration at the
bottom, nor noblesse oblige at the top. It's kill or be killed.

The mediocrity of American public schools has worse consequences than
just making kids unhappy for six years. It breeds a rebelliousness
that actively drives kids away from the things they're supposed to be
learning.

This is the sort of society that gets created in American secondary
schools. And it happens because these schools have no real purpose
beyond keeping the kids all in one place for a certain number of
hours each day. What I didn't realize at the time, and in fact didn't
realize till very recently, is that the twin horrors of school life,
the cruelty and the boredom, both have the same cause.

"Love is at the same time the most generous and the most egotistical thing in nature; the most generous because it receives nothing and gives all -- pure mind being only able to give and not receive; the most egotistical, for that which he seeks in the subject, that which he enjoys in it, is himself and never anything else." - Friedrich von Schiller.

Funny feelings (not of the climbing-the-rope-in-gym-class variety)

Okay.

If you've ever flipped through my wallet while I was in the shower, you'll know that I NEVER carry my health card with me. I store my card, along with my York alumni card, void laminated birth certificate and expired Canadian passport, in a folder with my important worldly papers (tax papers, bank statements, love letters. Okay, I don't have any love letters; I have some letters from highschool stalkers, but no real, heartfelt words over which to pour affectionately and longingly during times of low self-esteem. Which are never; so, whatever.). Back to my mind-numbing story.

The day of my flight to Toronto, flipping through pay stubs and tax forms, I see my student loan papers from RBC. I have a funny feeling about my loan, so I pack my loan papers. (Good thing I brought them to Toronto, as RBC's incompetence nearly cost me my credit rating yet again -- I had to fax them evidence pronto of my student loan status. And the form they claimed that they did not receive, was the form I had brought with me, Yeahhh baby! RBC ZERO) So I was flipping through my envelopes and see my outdated, photoless red-and-white health card... have a funny feeling... think, *funny thoughts begone; no, I do not want to have to use that... thoughts, go away... go away, hellooo I'm talking.. no, don't reach for it, what the -- stop it, I don't ever use it -- it's just extra weight in my bag --* and there it softly falls into my bag.

Yes, I brought my health card with me. And I used it, today, for the first time in yeeeeeeeears. I won't divulge the exact reason I went to the walk-in clinic after 2 days of pure pain (I resisted taking anything), as I want to avoid looking like a complete doofus in this entry, but I will reiterate some timeless words of wisdom: do not stick anything in your ears that is smaller than your elbow. And don't put your ears in the path of a high-powered water jetstream. Repeatedly. And then don't stick old q-tips (that you've found in the dusty basement) too far into your ears, to absorb the itchy water in your ear canal. And then don't be a hero and refuse to take anything for the pain and not sleep for 2 days.

My mother drove me to the local clinic tonight. Macey was my nurse. Or maybe it was Tracey; I couldn't hear very well (and I'm sure that my mother appreciated my telling the entire waiting room about my sexual history through the thin curtain. No, no one asked about my sexual history, much to my relief and dismay. It's been a long time since I've been to the doctor, and I didn't know what to expect. So, taking the cue from my family motto, I expected the worst. No, I expected all good things, because doctors have drugs, and drugs make me feel good). Tracey led me into a waiting cubicle and told me to have a seat. I jumped up on the table with the protective whitepaper covering, ripping it, then apologized for ripping it. Tracey took my temperature in my ear. Ouch. Fever. Told me to wait for the doctor. I don't know if I told her 'thanks;' I was holding back tears from the pain, and from remembering Old Yeller. I loved that dog, but his memory revisits at odd times in my life. Oh, forgive me; I'm on medication right now -- by tonight I was so happy when the doctor prescribed steroids for me, that I could have kissed her. Pills? Yes please. Drugs? ANYTHING.

I waited for the doctor to arrive. After what felt like 10 minutes, I was delirious, and recited in my mind a few possible exchanges between myself and the doctor.

Doctor: "How are you today?"
Me: "Oh, I'm just wonderful, thanks." *eyes rolling back in head*

Doctor: "What is the problem today?"
Me: "My ears are infected. The pain is constant. According to Louise L. Hay, earaches are indicative of tense family relationships and arguments. I'm hearing things I don't want to hear, and the anger has settled in my ears. To feel better, I must tell myself, 'I hear good and harmonious exchanges in my world. I am a centre for love.' But while I'm doing that affirmation, can you give me some good medication that will knock me out and that boasts many side effects -- preferably some unknown ones too -- so I can sleep for a while before shrugging off this mortal coil? Many. Thanks."

But no, I needn't have wasted my time entertaining such possible worlds, because the doctor yelled, "Sonya?" from the hallway as I was enroute to passing out against the wall, but caught myself, and I called back, feeling ridiculous, "present." Dr. Thompson walked into my cubicle. Of pastel green and yellow. Soothing.

Dr. T, friendly, about my age, all smiles and bloodshot eyes: "Hi! You're here 'cause you have a bit of an earache? Ah yes, and a fever."

Me: :| [No, I just like to sit in waiting rooms with exceedingly bright lights -- which I'm sure are a great hit with your migraine sufferers] "Yes, my ears hurt." [Brilliantly articulate. Also, I forgot to ask her if the pain could be caused by impacted wisdom teeth. Or, maybe I didn't want to hear an affirmative to that one.]

Dr. T: "Do you have any allergies? Have you had a cold? Are you a smoker?"

Me: *half smiling, but trying not to 'cause it hurts to move my face*

Dr. T, mischievously: "You are a smoker?!"

Me: "Nooo -- I'm from Vancouver!" [My logic, even when I'm feeling well, is like this]

Dr. T: "Me too! Whereabouts are you from?" as she looks into my ear.

Me: as I try not to cry from pain, "Strathcona, but now near Burrard and Davie."

Dr. T: "I'm from Point Grey."

Me: "Oh yes... Are you planning on moving back?"

Dr. T: "Yes, I would LOVE to. I moved here for training, then met someone, and he has a business here, so he doesn't want to move just yet. So I have to choose -- either career/relationship/love, orrrrr, HAPPINESS!

Me: "Yes, and all mutually exclusive."

Okay this transcript is putting me to sleep and I left out most of the good parts. Anyway, short story made long then short: was prescribed some goop for my ears, took 2 advil, and now I am wired. It's 2 am. Listening to Sarah McLachlan's Fumbling Towards Ecstacy. Man, I am so happy to feel healthy again! And happy that I followed my intuition and brought my health card. Unless I made this happen by bringing my health card... oh well; it was fun to feel pain and then to have the pain vanish. The vanishing part was my favourite. Loving the gratitude right now.

Moral of the story? Don't tell people about things you don't do, because shortly thereafter, you will be rubbing the medicated steroid cream in your face and LOVING it, almost as much as McDonald's. (No, I didn't eat that. I wasn't THAT out of it.)

I made some tasty soup broth.

Speaking of broth, my brother Bjorn has a physio appointment tomorrow morning. I am full of false confidence in the ear cream and am well enough to take care of Bjorn tomorrow, but his grandparents are expecting him. We shall see.

I and my bubbly steroid cream love you all.